Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Cynically experienced

If you found your way here, congratulations!  I decided to stop posting the links to facebook, anyone who is interested in reading my daily babblings should know where to find me by now!

I am an experienced dieter.  I have struggled with my weight all my remembered life, and have lost hundreds of pounds over the years.  My first diet was instigated when I was given a calorie counting booklet at quite a young age and I started making extensive lists of all the things I ate and how many calories were in them.  Then there was the starvation diets of high school, the "I'm not going to eat all day so I can wear that dress tonight" diet that found me voraciously eating anything in sight by mid-afternoon as my belly button started scraping my spine.  Remember the cabbage soup diet?  I can hardly eat cabbage borsht to this day because of that diet!

As I got older and had money, I began to go on "programs", I lost 35 pounds with Herbal Life, a shake and supplement diet. After my oldest daughter was born, I went to Herbal Magic, the food system and accountability there was good, the required supplements were expensive, unproven and a bit hokey.  I went without them for quite some time because I was breastfeeding and lost weight, they were all so surprised!  Altogether I think I lost close to 40 lbs.  After my son's birth, I joined Curves and started working out 3 times a week.  I loved it, it was great to get out of the house and exercise.  I took their weight loss classes too, and got with the program and lost about 10 pounds.  It was a good program, real food based and sustainable.  I didn't have the discipline to carry on after the first pounds came off, so I started on Isagenix, another shake and cleansing based program and lost another 15 pounds.  I loved the cleansing aspect of it, I felt so good after a 2 day cleanse!

My problem with programs was that as soon as they're over and I'm supposed to go back to 'normal' eating, I gain, usually gain it all back, sometimes with a few more pounds on top for good measure.

I've learned a few things over the years, what works for me and what doesn't. I have a lot of head knowledge of the science of losing weight, the reasons why I should do it, I know how much better I would feel if I did.  I am a great dieter in my head, and can maintain it too!

The problem is the 12 inches.  Those darned 12 inches between the head and the heart.  In order to commit myself to this, I had to be more than convinced, I had to be convicted.  Emotional eating is more than a physical craving, it's a deap-seated issue with a lot of history.  In order to effectively lose the pounds and keep them off, those issues have to be dealt with.  It's not just physical, there are definite spiritual and emotional facets as well.

So now here I am.  Life is the program.  Forgiveness has been granted.  Startling revelations have come out of the inspection of issues.  Healing has begun.  Making the food behave has never worked for me.  I need to be the one who's behavior changes, a lifelong purposeful habit that won't end when the weight is lost,  rather continued on with a few adjustments.



Michelle said...

Forgiveness...healing...God-sized stuff. Love it. Love you.

Leslie said...

The last many months I've spent a lot of time thinking about food from the health perspective. Pursuing health through food is both enticing and wearying to me. This morning I found a blog post on Zechariah 10:1 and because I was thinking about my own health/food stuff I found it spoke to the source of the health for whom food is a tool.